Dementia, Family, and Conflict: Eldercaring Coordination Can Help
Dementia may impact the lifespan of a person, but it doesn’t have to split the family tree.
By Sue Bronson, Linda Fieldstone, Karen S. Willard
The Dunwithit family hasn’t spent holidays
together for years. The adult children
gave up obligatory occasions to avoid the
resulting tensions. But since Dad passed,
Mom’s confusion has increased, forcing
family members back to the table to
discuss their views.
Allegations heat the discussion, erupting
with blameful degradations, and a legal
battle ensues while Mom’s condition
continues to deteriorate.
Ideally, the Dunwithit family could share
information, listen to one another’s
concerns, priorities, and feelings,
and then make informed decisions
collaboratively. When families dealing
with dementia already have difficulty
communicating, they could contact a
qualified elder mediator to facilitate a
formal agreement to address areas of
concern. But, sadly, for some families,
elder mediation may be seen as yet
another opportunity to blame and vent,
further exacerbating their discord.
Conflict adds additional dimension to an
already complex situation, especially as
dementia progresses. What will cause the
flurry of nasty emails this time? Who will
get blamed? The deterioration of family
functioning has a rippling effect and
leads to loss of caregiving ability, which
may compromise the safety of the older
adult. Everyone suffers. Young and old are
watching and learning.
There is a solution. Eldercaring
coordination is a court-ordered process
designed specifically for families in higher
conflict regarding the care and safety
of the older person. The highly qualified
and trained dispute resolution specialist,
called an eldercaring coordinator, works
with a family for a period of up to two
years to reduce conflict and develop small
doable steps in action plans to address
the concerns and highlight the voice of
the person with dementia. Families learn
new ways to communicate and problem
solve while building upon their strengths
to enhance the safety and well-being of
the older adult.
Dementia may impact the lifespan of
the person, but it doesn’t have to split
the family tree. The way a family copes
and unites to help their loved one with
dementia can build collaboration and
reinforce compassion that brings a legacy
of peace to future generations.
Eldercaring coordination was highlighted
by the United Nations as an Awareness
to Action Model for the Welfare of Ageing
Persons in honor of World Elder Abuse Day
in 2019. To learn more about eldercaring
coordination, and to reach out to find an
eldercaring coordinator, visit the website
www.eldercaringcoordination.com.
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Sue Bronson (Wisconsin) and Linda Fieldstone (Florida) are co-chairs of the ACR/FLAFCC Elder Justice Initiative on Eldercaring Coordination, along with Florida Judge Michelle Morley. Karen S. Willard, J.D. (Michigan), focuses on elder law and alternative dispute resolution and is a public policy advocate and Alzheimer’s volunteer.